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Sunday, December 12, 2010

a letter to my grandfather


It feels so weird not having you reaching for my hand and holding it.
It feels weird to know that you are gone, yet pretending like you're just sleeping.
It feels so weird to know that I cannot hug you, and that starting tomorrow I will not be able to even kiss you anymore or see you anymore.

You will always be my role model. You will always be my grandfather and my father too.
You will always be with me. Everytime I will look at myself in the mirror and see your eyes and cheekbones on me.
I will make you proud of me, just in case heaven really exists and one day we can meet again. Sitting on the porch in a hot summer day, remeniscing of the past, dreaming of the future, laughing for the present. Just like we have always did.

I will keep my promise to you. At all costs.

And you, nonnino mio, my beloved and dear nonnino, you make sure you watch over for grandma, because she misses you already, and I couldn't bear the pain of losing her too.

You know, nonnino, I still remember the day I upset you.
You had never been angry at me, so I was really saddened and felt guilty. I understood that disappointing you was the thing that hurt me the most. I understood how important you were to me.
You must have read that in my eyes.
I remember it was Easter time, and that you just said "come on, let's go buy you an easter egg". That was your way of saying "I don't want to see you so sad. I know you learnt the lesson, sorry if I hurt you".
You bought me a big yellow and white teddy bear with a blue bow around its neck (and the chocolate egg, of course). It wasn't the most beautiful teddy bear, but to me, it was the most lovely one. Have I ever told you I wrote a little essay on that, in elementary school? I even made a drawing. :)

That time, my nonnino, I understood that you were my inspiration, my role model, my hero. The one who did not need to say a word to made himself clear. The one who loved me, who looked out for me, who has always believed in me. The one who pushed me to education and was proud I had one.

I could write a milion words, a milion memories about you, but the truth is, my nonnino, that I will never find the most appropriate words to describe how much I love you, how much I miss you, how much it hurts not to have you here anymore.

YOU WILL BE WITH ME, IN ME, FOR ALL OF MY LIFE. UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN, NONNINO MIO. UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN....

15 comments:

  1. I am sorry to hear of your loss, Lydia. That was a beautiful open letter from you. May your grandfather rest in peace.

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  2. Lydia, I am so sorry for your loss.
    Reading this brought tears to my eyes. I know it seems weird to say that I know exactly how you feel but I do.
    I hope you feel better soon.

    Much love,
    Lisa

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  3. Beautiful words from the heart and so sad. So sorry for your loss x

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  4. Sad and beautiful all at once. But I feel for you, I know too what it is like to have a special grandparent.

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  5. Aw Lydia so sorry to hear that xxx

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  6. Dirò solo una cosa,ho le lacrime agli occhi.

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  7. Thank you all girls.
    It is much appreciated that you took the time to read this and comment.
    that you felt some sort of empathy.

    You're lovely. :)

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  8. My eyes are welling up :(
    I'm so sorry for your loss...love and hugs to you and your family at this difficult time xx

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  9. Soo sorry for your lost....beautiful letter.

    xxx

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  10. sorry for your lossm lidia... this post is so beautiful...

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